I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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