Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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