i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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