3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
