we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
