I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
