3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
