I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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