I'm so fucking centered right now
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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