i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
