fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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