u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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