tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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