I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
