i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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