so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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