So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
