I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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