True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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