You're earring is so big in my mouth
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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