Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
