Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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