i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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