The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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