My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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