I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
