It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
