I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
