Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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