You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
