Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
