Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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