I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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