I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
