Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
