bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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