sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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