we made out on top of his cat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
