I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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