why didn't you poke me back
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
