I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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