I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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