Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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