are you so shy because you have an std?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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