dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
