did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
