I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
