She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
