I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
