pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
