I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
