so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
