Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
