We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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