so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
