Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
