Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize