I just cut my nipple shaving
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
