This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
