he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
