Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
