I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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