Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
