I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
