is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
