I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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