I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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