You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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