I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
