matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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