He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
