he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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